No legacy is so rich as honesty.

selmabouvier:

i haven’t been to subway in 2 years cos the woman went “what bread do you want” and i went “yeah”

(Source: grotbag, via self-loving)

xbean:

ablogfortwolovers:

WHY DONT MORE PEOPLE LOVE STING RAYS LOOK AT THAT FACE

Because they ganged up on the crocodile hunter and shanked him in cold blood.

xbean:

ablogfortwolovers:

WHY DONT MORE PEOPLE LOVE STING RAYS LOOK AT THAT FACE

Because they ganged up on the crocodile hunter and shanked him in cold blood.

(via sunnypastels)

theyreoutofcontrol:

Interviewer: “so where do you see yourself in five years?”
Me: “I’m shaking hands with Dumbledore I’ve won the house cup”

(via fuckyeahloldemort)

dumbasschronicles:

catesstrophe:

today a dude slammed my finger on accident because he was closing a metal drawer i had my fingers in and i was on drive through and i literally screamed into the headset and the lady just kept ordering her drink as i was trying to hush down three different LOUD MEN SAYING “OH MY GOD WHAT DID HE DO TO YOUR HAND”

she just kept going 

i screamed into a headset and she just kept going

working in customer service

(via fuckyeahloldemort)

missallegra:

Dumbledore: “and with 350 points Slytherin wins the house cup

But I have a few extra points to give out

500 points to Dumbledore for being the best headmaster”

*house flags all change to Dumbledore’s face*

(via fuckyeahloldemort)

saggiest:

Fun prank idea: murder someone so you can go to prison for life and never have to go to school again

(via pizza)